Erotic text messages
I open my university’s newspaper today and see the following advertisement (and yes, the ad gave two distinct spellings for “cell phone”):
TEXT AND THE CITY
TEXT MESSAGE LIVE SINGLES with YOUR CELL PHONE
LIVE TEXT CHAT 24HRS
TEXT MESSAGE LIVE SINGLES with your CELLPHONE
Text: RAVE
Send To: 36999
ONLY 99c PER TEXT MSG RCVD. MUST BE 18+
Plus, naturally, a photo of an attractive girl in skimpy clothing.
Now, I can certainly understand why someone would want to pay to look at pornography. I can understand why someone would want to pay for phone sex — a conversation with a live female can be very arousing. Cybersex through IRC or instant messaging is stretching it for me — there is basically no way to tell that the sexy young female you are chatting with is not, in fact, a balding 50-year-old man with an expansive beer belly and a thick pelt of body hair. But at least IRC is in real time and computer keyboards allow one to send a large number of words per minute, so you can be fairly sure you are chatting with a horny human of some sort.
But text messages? At 99 cents each? How can receiving a phrase with more spelling errors than words once every few minutes be erotic? And who would possibly pay for such a service? I can imagine a sample session…
You: HLO BABY!
“Attractive single female human”: HI SWEETY!
You: ARE U HRNY
“ASFH”: IM HORNY U?
You: OHHH YES
“ASFH”: IM NAKED!!
You: BABY WHAT U LOOK LIEK
“ASFH” LOL
You: IM TAKIN OFF MY SHIRT
“ASFH” IM HORNY U?
You: GIRL WHER U LIVE?
“ASFH” IM NAKED!!!
You: R U EVEN READING MY TXTS???
“ASFH” LOL
You: WAIT
“ASFH” IM HORNY U?
You: UR A *BOT* !11!!!
“ASFH” IM NAKED!!!
You: FCUK U…
“ASFH”: LOL
You: SHUT UP!!!!
“ASFH”: IM HORNY U?
You: STOP MSGING ME!!
“ASFH”: IM NAKED!!
You: I WILL CALL COPS ON U FUCKSERS
“ASFH”: LOL
You just wasted $13 texting with a chatbot. Then you wasted $100 more by smashing your phone against the wall. And now you need to fix the hole in the wall too. Congratulations sir, you lose at life.